Happy Mother's Day in the NICU

As I reflect on Mother’s Day weekend ….I think of all the things it meant to me before this year and what it means to me now. One week ago my husband and best friend for almost 17 years, suffered a major head and spinal cord injury and remains hospitalized. Although I was very worried about him, part of me couldn’t help but think ….this will be the first Mother’s Day that I won’t be pampered ……because he’s always spoiled me for Mother’s Day. Slowly and clearly I began to visualize Mother's Day 2010… I would spend Mother’s Day being a single parent. I would spend Mother’s Day driving back and forth to the hospital, being tired; sleep deprived….and most of all worried about my husband and the father of my children.


Part of his symptoms included severe nerve pain and intolerance to touch……several times he screamed please don’t touch me….don’t hug me…don’t kiss me….I am still dealing with the sadness of not being able to even touch the one you love….to know that your touch—no matter how gentle is causing pain…is not something I can say I had ever experienced...nor do I ever want to exprerience again. Human touch is such a basic need ... one I believe we all take for granted…..simple hugs….little kisses…a pat on the back…each healing in it’s on way…a basic connection that validates we are loved and that someone cares. So I began to pray….Lord just let me be able to touch him without causing pain. I cotinued to pray steadily for my husband and encouraged all of my family and friends to join me. During that same time period God had a good friend email me on my blog about the NICU experience for Mother’s Day.



I immediately was reminded that NICU mom’s spend mother’s day driving back and forth to the hospital. NICU Moms spend mother’s day worried. And too often…..NICU Mom’s spend mother’s day wishing they could touch and hold their babies….or even hear them cry. Over forty years ago my sister was born very premature at a time when families were not allowed frequent visits with their infants…and rarely allowed to touch. My parents visited my sister often on Sundays and looked at her through a window…waiting for the day they could take her home. It makes me grateful for the opportunity to give Mom’s the gift of touch in the NICU today.



Today we are able to offer mother’s the opportunity to participate in kangaroo care or skin to skin contact with their babies sometimes immediately after birth and if not…then as soon as possible. Kangaroo care has been shown to improve health outcomes for premature infants and enhance the parent child bond which is often strained in critical care settings. So I want to say to everyone providing care in the NICU or every family with a baby in the NICU……please take advantage of one of our most simple but special gifts...the gift of human touch.





So what does Mother's Day in the NICU mean?….it may not mean Sunday brunch…it may not mean cute handmade cards, flowers or chocolates…but it can mean….the opportunity to take time to treasure the life you have helped to create…the life that made you a mother. It can mean the opportunity to place one of your fingers in the palm of a tiny hand and watch each of those tiny little fingers curl around in it…in a life confirming grasp. It can mean watching a cute yawn, a startled expression, or stroking the faintest baby hair. It can mean counting ten fingers and toes….marveling at God’s perfect image. It can mean one more day to celebrate Life..Peace…and Your Family. And of course one more day to celebrate God’s grace and all the daily blessings we take for granted.



Of course….you don’t have to be a NICU mom to do this…..in fact…..I challenge all Mom’s to spend Mother's Day celebrating the little lives you helped to create…the lives that made you Mom’s……..in the place that you most feel like a Mother...which is usually right next to your little one's .....Happy Mother’s Day.