Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Dr. Terri’s Top 3 Resources fom Parents for Neonatal Care Providers Caring for Bereaved Families: How does the Doc know what to say…when there’s nothing left to say?
I’ve been a Neonatologist now for over 16 year and physician
or 22. As a Neonatologist my job is to take care of sick babies. Babies who are
premature or born with significant birth defects or breathing problems, some of
whom will not survive. It’s a strange place to be in …to know that every day
when you walk in to work you will in fact meet someone who was not planning to
see you. You will meet someone for whom your very introduction causes tears,
fear, and anxiety. It’s a sacred moment and there’s very little time to
establish trust. To say you know what..this isn’t what we planned for and I’m
so sorry that we’re here..but you and I we will get through. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I promise you I
will.
Honestly I never know what I am going to say in those moments…I just trust that the good Lord ordained that very moment and ordered both of our steps for such a time as this. I then slowly exhale, breathe, establish sincere eye contact and speak. I don’t always get it right but I try very hard to not get it wrong! I’m often asked for resources that I lean upon during those moments…..and while there are tons of books written on the subject I have always believed and maintained that parents are in fact are best teachers. Parents who’ve lived and survived the NICU experience, parents who lived and survived the stillborn experience, parents who lived and survived the miscarriage experience. No one knows the words to say quite like them…and sometimes there are no words. So who does the Neonatologist go to when there’s no one left to go too? The parents that’s who!! Here are my 3 Top picks for resources for bereaved parents. I pray that you dear reader never need them…but if you find yourself in the still place where you have to say hello and good-bye to your precious one at the same time this is a great place to start.
Honestly I never know what I am going to say in those moments…I just trust that the good Lord ordained that very moment and ordered both of our steps for such a time as this. I then slowly exhale, breathe, establish sincere eye contact and speak. I don’t always get it right but I try very hard to not get it wrong! I’m often asked for resources that I lean upon during those moments…..and while there are tons of books written on the subject I have always believed and maintained that parents are in fact are best teachers. Parents who’ve lived and survived the NICU experience, parents who lived and survived the stillborn experience, parents who lived and survived the miscarriage experience. No one knows the words to say quite like them…and sometimes there are no words. So who does the Neonatologist go to when there’s no one left to go too? The parents that’s who!! Here are my 3 Top picks for resources for bereaved parents. I pray that you dear reader never need them…but if you find yourself in the still place where you have to say hello and good-bye to your precious one at the same time this is a great place to start.
Bridget’s Cradles
I love the ministry of Bridget’s Cradles which was
founded by a mother after she lost her own daughter Bridget. At the time Bridget passed
she was too small for the hospital blankets and it was difficult for her parents
to hold on to her and to love her. Her grandmother was inspired to knit a tiny
blanket that she converted into a cradle which fit Bridget perfectly. This
allowed her parents to really hold her, to cherish her, to love on her and to
have some time for bonding before their good byes. Bridget's Cradles provides hand-made knitted and
crocheted cradles to hospitals to offer to families whose babies were born into
Heaven in the second trimester of pregnancy. Because babies are so small in
weeks 14-26 of pregnancy, traditional blankets do not meet their needs.
Bridget's Cradles™ are soft and shaped to bundle the baby in love and designed
for families to feel comfortable while holding and bonding with their baby.
Cradles can also be used for burial as they provide a nurturing womb-like environment
for the baby. Bridget's Cradles supports bereaved families by providing resources
and sharing encouragement. Bridget's Cradle raises awareness about pregnancy
loss at any stage of pregnancy - from conception to full-term. 1 in 4
pregnancies ends in miscarriage or stillbirth. Yet, the general public often
does not talk about it or know what to say, which leaves bereaved parents
feeling alone and unsupported. Bridget's Cradles would like to see a movement that
changes a generation into one that acknowledges babies in Heaven and supports
families through the grieving process.
Carly Marie: Project Heal
This is a beautiful and sacred site dedicated to mothers experiencing
loss…at every step of the journey and a direct challenge for mothers to find whatever it is that
helps them heal. Is it writing? Is it painting” Is it creating? Is it speaking
your child’s name? It’s a space that allows parents to be free in their pain.
Free to take their time. And yes Free to Heal.
The founder of the site lost her son to a birth defect related to his
brain and multiple other problems. Her words on the opening page of the website
I believe speak directly to so many families. “I spent years of my life asking
WHY did this have to happen to me, to us? Why did my son have to die? Why did
he have to have that condition? Why didn’t I take any photos of him? Why did I
not let our daughter see him? Why him? Why? Why? WHY?! Of course asking these
questions was only natural, but I became stuck. I felt as though I was
drowning. After a longer time than I would probably like to admit, I came to
the realization that I will never really know why so many of these things
happened or didn’t happen. The why question only ever brings me more pain. Kind
of like when you start asking yourself ‘What if?”. We punish ourselves so
harshly when we ask ourselves, God or the universe these questions. I often
think that the reality of the fact that my son died, was too much for my being
to handle and that somewhere deep in my heart if I kept on asking why, I would
be able to change the past and fix everything. Somehow I could bring him back.
But I can’t. The past is unchangeable. There is nothing we can do about it now.
Asking why or what if will only bring more pain. Asking “Why?” put me in a
really dark hole and I didn’t emerge from that darkness until I stopped asking
Why? and started asking what heals me? What was it that made me feel good? What
brought joy to my heart? What lifted my spirits? I channeled my grief into
things that made me feel even the slightest bit of happiness. Before too long
my whys were turned into amazing wonders. My life became all about love and
seeking healing and honoring my precious boy by living a beautiful life for
him.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Lastly one of my favorite resources during times like this is the Now I Lay Me Down To
Sleep Organization. This is an organization solely supported by volunteer photographers
and solely dedicated to bereavement photography. It was started by a mom who
had a baby with a lethal condition and she wanted to have
beautiful photographs by which to remember him. I am so moved and inspired by the
dedication of these photographers to capture these special moments for
families. Many of whom for which this will be there only pictures of their
little one. These photos speak a thousand word and feelings. Feelings of pain,
grief, regret but also pure joy, pure grace and the ability to cherish the
moment. I learn something every time and I am reminded not to take these moments
with families for granted. These are the lessons the physician, the nurse, the
family friend cannot learn from books and these are the lessons that I cherish. Hopefully they are lessons you dear reader
will never need but if you do I hope that you find peace and solace in these sites.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Getting Ready For Discharge….Home Sweet Home!
Happy New Year to all of our Preemie Prints families! I’d like to send a special shout out to those precious families who spent their holidays in the NICU. Often in that rollercoaster world also known as the neonatal intensive care unit…it’s sometimes hard to believe or even consider that it will ever slow down or that you will ever eventually be able to go home. But for most families…home sweet home will become a reality and the rollercoaster does eventually stop. One of the best ways to look forward to that is to start preparing now.
Whether your baby has been in the NICU 3 days or 3 months..it’s never too early to start getting ready to go home!! Often because the health care team is initially very focused on life and death decisions and day to day management we don’t always address anticipatory guidelines for discharge until very close to the discharge date. For some families the rapid progression from almost ready to go home to it’s time to go home can increase anxiety even more so than the admission!! Although the NICU can be a scary place,….. for many families it can eventually also become quite comfortable..a home away from home…..staff become family and monitors and equipment become friends. As a result… leaving the routine or perceived safety of the NICU suddenly places families into foreign and sometimes frightening territory.
Although each family will have to navigate its own path to become comfortable with the routine and quiet of home as compared to the NICU there are five essential steps on the yellow brick road to home that may help to ease the transition…most of which you can start working on right now.
First identify your pediatrician..and give yourself time to interview the pediatrician as well as tour the office prior to discharge. Many families have not had a chance to select a pediatrician prior to delivery..and even if they have, their choice may change depending on the needs of their preterm infant at discharge. Many preterm infant require frequent visits after discharge for weight checks, reflux, or anemia and you will want to make sure your pediatrician is within a close traveling distance from your home. Some questions you may want to consider when interviewing your pediatrician are do they see premature infants in their practice? Are they comfortable with preterm babies on oxygen or monitors? Do they have separate entrances for well and sick children? and Do they offer the RSV shot or can they arrange for you to receive it if you quailify for it?
In addition to identifying the pediatrician, you want to make sure you have an approved car seat with base. Your premature infant will require a car seat safety evaluation test prior to discharge. Many premature infants go home much smaller than term infants and their breathing and heart rate needs to be stable while sitting upright in the car seat. Your physician and staff will evaluate this prior to discharge. Prior to bringing your car seat to the hospital have your local fire department evaluate it for correct installation in your car. Most fire departments offer this service free of charge.
Find out what type of formula your baby will be going home on at discharge…...most premature infants will be discharged home on breast milk with additional additives or preterm formula. Make sure you know which store carries the formula you will need or the additive you will require to fortify your breast milk prior to discharge. Additionally remember to bring whatever special bottles or nipples you may be using at home for your baby to practice with in the hospital prior to discharge. For many families one of the most frustrating parts of discharge is finding the store that carries your premature formula and getting the baby used to a new nipple or bottle as well as a new routine. Additionally, if your premature infant is going home on medications..remind your physician or practitioner to give you the prescription 2-3 days prior to discharge so that you have time to get the prescription filled and time to practice giving it to your baby prior to discharge.
Finally most neonatal intensive care units offer CPR training prior to discharge as well as the opportunity to spend the night with your baby prior to discharge. Allow yourself time before discharge to arrange to view the CPR video or to schedule CPR training for yourself and all caregivers for your infant. Additionally if your neonatal unit offers the opportunity to spend the night with infant prior to discharge, strongly consider using this option. Spending then night with your infant will give you the chance to be exclusively responsible for your baby for an extended period of time, to become used to care in some cases without a monitor and to become more comfortable with the typical breathing pattern of a preemie. Often parents notice things over this extended period of time that they did not appreciate during the 3hr visits for feeds.
Identifying the pediatrician, locating the formula, verifying the car seat, filling the prescriptions, taking CPR and spending the night are just a few of the ways you can begin to look ahead and prepare to take your baby home. It may seem like it’s a long time away…but before you know it…your baby will be out of an isolette, into a crib and into your arms and into your home. It’s never too early to start planning for that special day.
Wishing you a Happy New Year…and reminding you to consider these few tips to make your Baby’s Homecoming and Yours..the Very Best!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
A Day in the Life of A Neonatologist
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a neonatologist…..even before I could pronounce the word I was convinced that I would grow up to take care of tiny babies. When I was a little girl my mother suffered an ectopic pregnancy and almost lost her life due to rupture of the fallopian tubes. I remember being afraid when she had to go to the hospital…I also remember been very grateful when my father returned to say that the doctors had saved my mother’s life. I decided then that I wanted to be involved in helping people in this way…that my work itself could bring others joy.
Later as I became older I began to ask my parents many questions about why my sister and I were only ten months apart. May parents shared that my sister had been born prematurely and weighed less than 2 pounds. She was born almost three months early. She had been tube fed and spent a lot of time growing in a plastic box! I thought cool…I want to not only just take care of people…I want to take of the families with the babies in the plastic boxes…eventually I would come to learn that those people were called Neonatologists and those boxes were called incubators. Today my sister is 43 years young and perfectly healthy…she is truly a miracle as NICU’s (neonatal intensive care units) didn’t have half the things then that we have now to care for premature babies and she was born during the same time that President Kennedy’s son lost his life to prematurity.
So now many years later and after 14 years of training I still marvel at the fact that I am a neonatologist. As I am sure most of you know…a neonatologist is a specialized pediatrician that focuses on the care and management of sick premature infants and sick term infants. We work primarily in a hospital setting in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (UNIT). Almost half of our patients are born unexpectedly to parents who received adequate prenatal care. And many of these babies will lose their lives or remain in the hospital for several months after delivery. Many will go home with equipment and have challenges that continue even after they leave the NICU. And some are destined to be angels here on Earth and will not survive life beyond the NICU or even the delivery room. It is both a scary place and a joyous place…I truly do see a miracle every day and am so grateful for the privilege to be present with these families.
So what is a typical day life for me? I would say there is not typical day! Each day is filled with multiple challenges and opportunities including very high ups and really low downs. At any given time I am caring for between 15 and 20 intensive care patients and their families. There are babies who may have been one pound at birth, who are very sick, requiring lots of medicines, respiratory support and procedures and those who are now older and maturing to develop their suck and swallow reflex to eat successfully so that they can go home. There are other babies who may have only been 1 or 2 months early and are 3 or 4 pounds who have not been very sick but still remain in the NICU waiting to get “big” enough to eat and to go home. And sadly, there are also babies who are so sick that nothing you do is going to work and they force you to realize that ultimately we are not in control. And then there are the deliveries that occur all day throughout my day in the NICU. The delivery team is primarily Nurse practitioners unless a specific request is made by the mom’s doctor for the neonatologist to attend.
What a privilege and a blessing to be able to attend deliveries. We are allowed access into an experience that family members may not be able to share. Every time I see a baby that can fit in to the palm of my hand I am reminded what a gift this life is and that we are all created in his image. Every time I see a baby who is full term who still has trouble breathing or is sick I am again reminded of what a miracle birth is and of all the things that need to come together in a divine plan for it all to work out.
When I am there in the delivery room assessing breathing, color, heart rate, tone and making sure the baby is warm. I am placing a breathing tube if I need to and with the assistance of my delivery team making the sure the baby has adequate oxygen. In the midst of the delivery and the resuscitation, I am also trying to make sure that Father’s and Mother’s questions, concerns are addressed…particularly because in this moment nothing that we are doing was part of their birth plan or their wish for this pregnancy. And I too am reminded of my two healthy children at home and that I want the same for every family I meet.
As I mentioned before I get to see a miracle every day when I am caring for these babies…and I get to see heroes every day as well when I meet the wonderful families of these babies. They are absolutely the best; and they really endure great sacrifices daily as they travel through the NICU course with their babies. Sometimes I wonder just how they do it…and I am so inspired. I can truly say that if I won the lottery tomorrow I would still do this job. Wouldn’t trade the privilege, the blessing the ministry that it is for all the money in the world! It’s a paycheck of the heart every day! So while I hope that no family ever has to come to the NICU…I do want families to know that if you do have to come…we are here and we care!
Later as I became older I began to ask my parents many questions about why my sister and I were only ten months apart. May parents shared that my sister had been born prematurely and weighed less than 2 pounds. She was born almost three months early. She had been tube fed and spent a lot of time growing in a plastic box! I thought cool…I want to not only just take care of people…I want to take of the families with the babies in the plastic boxes…eventually I would come to learn that those people were called Neonatologists and those boxes were called incubators. Today my sister is 43 years young and perfectly healthy…she is truly a miracle as NICU’s (neonatal intensive care units) didn’t have half the things then that we have now to care for premature babies and she was born during the same time that President Kennedy’s son lost his life to prematurity.
So now many years later and after 14 years of training I still marvel at the fact that I am a neonatologist. As I am sure most of you know…a neonatologist is a specialized pediatrician that focuses on the care and management of sick premature infants and sick term infants. We work primarily in a hospital setting in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (UNIT). Almost half of our patients are born unexpectedly to parents who received adequate prenatal care. And many of these babies will lose their lives or remain in the hospital for several months after delivery. Many will go home with equipment and have challenges that continue even after they leave the NICU. And some are destined to be angels here on Earth and will not survive life beyond the NICU or even the delivery room. It is both a scary place and a joyous place…I truly do see a miracle every day and am so grateful for the privilege to be present with these families.
So what is a typical day life for me? I would say there is not typical day! Each day is filled with multiple challenges and opportunities including very high ups and really low downs. At any given time I am caring for between 15 and 20 intensive care patients and their families. There are babies who may have been one pound at birth, who are very sick, requiring lots of medicines, respiratory support and procedures and those who are now older and maturing to develop their suck and swallow reflex to eat successfully so that they can go home. There are other babies who may have only been 1 or 2 months early and are 3 or 4 pounds who have not been very sick but still remain in the NICU waiting to get “big” enough to eat and to go home. And sadly, there are also babies who are so sick that nothing you do is going to work and they force you to realize that ultimately we are not in control. And then there are the deliveries that occur all day throughout my day in the NICU. The delivery team is primarily Nurse practitioners unless a specific request is made by the mom’s doctor for the neonatologist to attend.
What a privilege and a blessing to be able to attend deliveries. We are allowed access into an experience that family members may not be able to share. Every time I see a baby that can fit in to the palm of my hand I am reminded what a gift this life is and that we are all created in his image. Every time I see a baby who is full term who still has trouble breathing or is sick I am again reminded of what a miracle birth is and of all the things that need to come together in a divine plan for it all to work out.
When I am there in the delivery room assessing breathing, color, heart rate, tone and making sure the baby is warm. I am placing a breathing tube if I need to and with the assistance of my delivery team making the sure the baby has adequate oxygen. In the midst of the delivery and the resuscitation, I am also trying to make sure that Father’s and Mother’s questions, concerns are addressed…particularly because in this moment nothing that we are doing was part of their birth plan or their wish for this pregnancy. And I too am reminded of my two healthy children at home and that I want the same for every family I meet.
As I mentioned before I get to see a miracle every day when I am caring for these babies…and I get to see heroes every day as well when I meet the wonderful families of these babies. They are absolutely the best; and they really endure great sacrifices daily as they travel through the NICU course with their babies. Sometimes I wonder just how they do it…and I am so inspired. I can truly say that if I won the lottery tomorrow I would still do this job. Wouldn’t trade the privilege, the blessing the ministry that it is for all the money in the world! It’s a paycheck of the heart every day! So while I hope that no family ever has to come to the NICU…I do want families to know that if you do have to come…we are here and we care!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Remembering My Brother
In this past year God allowed me to realize that Palliative Care was a calling for me. For those of you who may not know, Palliative Care specifically involves improving quality of life and providing comfort for those at the end of life. Nurturing anyone at the end of life is a challenge for the patient as well as the caregivers even when it is expected as a natural progression of age. However providing palliative care in the nursery or labor and delivery presents an entirely unique set of challenges…no matter how much information we have…nothing ever prepares a parent to say good-bye to a child and especially a baby. So although I consider this a calling, and although even as I write I am completing a course at Harvard for certification in Palliative Care, I am clear that when my brother died in July nothing in my grief training could have prepared me for it.
My brother was brutally murdered in his home on June 29th, 2010…he was thirty-five…tomorrow October 14th would have been his 36th birthday. It’s only been three months since he passed and it still doesn’t seem real. His killer has not been found…but my sadness, my regret at not being able to see him one last time hurts way more than my anger at an investigation that seems to be at a standstill. And even if the person was found today I am clear that it would not bring him back. And even if God himself told me why he had to die this way…somehow I don’t think I would have less sadness or less regret.
I think about all the parents I have prayed with, held hands with, cried with, hugged, been at witness at baptism, taken pictures of, and tried to comfort as they said good-bye to their precious babies who were destined to be angels. I was always aware that words could never be enough, but always prayerful that in time healing and peace would come. I think about all the babies over the past ten years that I have had to say good-bye too. And all the baby funerals I have attended…and standing in a baby cemetery looking at tombstones covered with dolls and trucks and trying to make sense of it all. Yet, somehow deeply understanding that sometimes we simply will not understand. We just have to accept and move on…find a way to live with our grief and to cherish the memory of our loved one’s in that grief. But no one really move’s on, because to move on means to move forward in the same direction. I think those of us in the grief process move forward but our destination is very different than the one it would have been without this experience of pain.
In my brother’s death I received a greater understanding of what loss means for these families…it’s not that I haven’t lost loved one’s before I have..and it never gets easy just the manner in which I lost him did leave me totally blind sided and wonder how did I ever console a parent? How did I ever a hold a baby and watch it take its last breath? It’s times like that…time’s like these that we know without a doubt there is a greater power…and I am grateful for daily peace in the midst of tears. I am grateful for the capacity to love and to remember.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to have experienced Frederick Demond Jackson for thirty five years. I miss your smile…your big eyes…your wicked laugh…your passion for life…your always knowing what was going on and always managing to be on the VIP list…your sense of style…your accountability to everyone in our family…your loyalty…and of course your insatiable love of ketchup. I miss you…but I know somewhere you are smiling…and getting ready to celebrate your birthday with banana pudding and ketchup..but hopefully not together…but knowing you I wouldn’t be surprised. Happy Birthday Fred…love your Big Sis.
My brother was brutally murdered in his home on June 29th, 2010…he was thirty-five…tomorrow October 14th would have been his 36th birthday. It’s only been three months since he passed and it still doesn’t seem real. His killer has not been found…but my sadness, my regret at not being able to see him one last time hurts way more than my anger at an investigation that seems to be at a standstill. And even if the person was found today I am clear that it would not bring him back. And even if God himself told me why he had to die this way…somehow I don’t think I would have less sadness or less regret.
I think about all the parents I have prayed with, held hands with, cried with, hugged, been at witness at baptism, taken pictures of, and tried to comfort as they said good-bye to their precious babies who were destined to be angels. I was always aware that words could never be enough, but always prayerful that in time healing and peace would come. I think about all the babies over the past ten years that I have had to say good-bye too. And all the baby funerals I have attended…and standing in a baby cemetery looking at tombstones covered with dolls and trucks and trying to make sense of it all. Yet, somehow deeply understanding that sometimes we simply will not understand. We just have to accept and move on…find a way to live with our grief and to cherish the memory of our loved one’s in that grief. But no one really move’s on, because to move on means to move forward in the same direction. I think those of us in the grief process move forward but our destination is very different than the one it would have been without this experience of pain.
In my brother’s death I received a greater understanding of what loss means for these families…it’s not that I haven’t lost loved one’s before I have..and it never gets easy just the manner in which I lost him did leave me totally blind sided and wonder how did I ever console a parent? How did I ever a hold a baby and watch it take its last breath? It’s times like that…time’s like these that we know without a doubt there is a greater power…and I am grateful for daily peace in the midst of tears. I am grateful for the capacity to love and to remember.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to have experienced Frederick Demond Jackson for thirty five years. I miss your smile…your big eyes…your wicked laugh…your passion for life…your always knowing what was going on and always managing to be on the VIP list…your sense of style…your accountability to everyone in our family…your loyalty…and of course your insatiable love of ketchup. I miss you…but I know somewhere you are smiling…and getting ready to celebrate your birthday with banana pudding and ketchup..but hopefully not together…but knowing you I wouldn’t be surprised. Happy Birthday Fred…love your Big Sis.
Physician Heal Thyself
Although I have been taking care of babies and families for over ten years when it was time to take care of myself I didn’t have a clue as to where to begin. As a neonatologist I get the pleasure of attending deliveries usually every day…I get to witness the miracle of birth every day…and sometimes that miracle comes with a few complications. The delivery of my own first child was associated with such a complication as I required an episiotomy or incision at the birth canal to safely deliver my daughter. This kind of incision can lead to problems years later with having normal bowel habits. I would say more but I think you get the picture!!.
So flash forward 12 years and I find that in the prime of my medical career I have an unpleasant reminder of one of the most wonderful events of my life. On the one hand I have a beautiful daughter growing into a splendid young lady and on the other hand I am a forty two year old in diapers. Now for most people this kind of choice would be clear…daughter yes, diapers no but not for me the Great Physician or so I thought. I considered medical management…fiber yes, diapers unfortunately still yes. I tried avoiding eating, starvation yes, unfortunately diapers still yes.
Several people who knew way more about the condition than I recommended surgery, but the thought of surgery petrified me. The thought of being sick petrified me. And pain…please I had already committed to a variety of the newest brand of Depends underwear to avoid pain. A friend asked me quite simply did I think I was behaving like a rational person…I replied, “Why yes, of course, I thought I was.” The same friend asked me how could I be such a champion for babies, my family, and my friends and not for myself. When I shared that I would rather have a colostomy than have surgery…my friend said okay let me know how that works for you and your EGO.
What a blow…but how true. I thought how many times I have shared with parents how brave they are watching their one and two pound miracles fight for life. How many conversations have I had with their little miracle babies as I cheer them through each breath on the ventilator, each heel stick for a blood draw, each dropped heart rate, and each disruption of the day. And just how have I been able to do that? I am able to do that because I keep my eyes on the end result and move through the process. I clearly, quietly realize and acknowledge that God is always in control…and I am simply a vessel.
Finally I realized that yes, this was true for me also…He was in control…and if I focused on my end result and trusted him then I too could get through the process. So now six weeks later as hard as it has been to say good-bye to Depends and the fear of unexpected accidents, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet God in a new way on this journey…and to participate in the Healing of myself. And believe me grateful has taken on an entirely new meaning….and so has potty break! I hope it does for you too. Whether you have surgery or not…you have a preemie or not…you have been a patient or not…we have soo much to be grateful for ...let’s not take it for granted. I know I won’t!
So flash forward 12 years and I find that in the prime of my medical career I have an unpleasant reminder of one of the most wonderful events of my life. On the one hand I have a beautiful daughter growing into a splendid young lady and on the other hand I am a forty two year old in diapers. Now for most people this kind of choice would be clear…daughter yes, diapers no but not for me the Great Physician or so I thought. I considered medical management…fiber yes, diapers unfortunately still yes. I tried avoiding eating, starvation yes, unfortunately diapers still yes.
Several people who knew way more about the condition than I recommended surgery, but the thought of surgery petrified me. The thought of being sick petrified me. And pain…please I had already committed to a variety of the newest brand of Depends underwear to avoid pain. A friend asked me quite simply did I think I was behaving like a rational person…I replied, “Why yes, of course, I thought I was.” The same friend asked me how could I be such a champion for babies, my family, and my friends and not for myself. When I shared that I would rather have a colostomy than have surgery…my friend said okay let me know how that works for you and your EGO.
What a blow…but how true. I thought how many times I have shared with parents how brave they are watching their one and two pound miracles fight for life. How many conversations have I had with their little miracle babies as I cheer them through each breath on the ventilator, each heel stick for a blood draw, each dropped heart rate, and each disruption of the day. And just how have I been able to do that? I am able to do that because I keep my eyes on the end result and move through the process. I clearly, quietly realize and acknowledge that God is always in control…and I am simply a vessel.
Finally I realized that yes, this was true for me also…He was in control…and if I focused on my end result and trusted him then I too could get through the process. So now six weeks later as hard as it has been to say good-bye to Depends and the fear of unexpected accidents, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet God in a new way on this journey…and to participate in the Healing of myself. And believe me grateful has taken on an entirely new meaning….and so has potty break! I hope it does for you too. Whether you have surgery or not…you have a preemie or not…you have been a patient or not…we have soo much to be grateful for ...let’s not take it for granted. I know I won’t!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Happy Father's Day in the NICU
When I wrote the blog celebrating Mother's Day in the NICU, I had every intention of dedicating a similar blog to Dad's in the NICU on their special day as well. But here it is July 12th almost a month after Father's Day and I am just getting around to it. First let me apologize to Dad's everywhere....please know that you have a special place in my heart and I have carried this message in my head for the past three weeks.....I guess it's true that Dad's are often the last to get recognized. My husband always says.....there's way more attention given to Mom's on Mother's Day than Dad's on Father's Day and wives or girlfriends on Valentine's Day than husbands or boyfriends...I must admit it's sad but true...even Mom's get more attention on Valentine's day when Dad's may not. So let me go on record by saying that even though June 19th has come and gone..as far as I am concerned every day is Father's Day!!
Father's in the NICU are some of my favorite people...they constantly fulfill two roles...they want to be and have to be strong for the Mom's but at the same time they show incredible tenderness in the face of what for many is the most fragile of human lives. I recently attended a delivery and was reminded by a Dad what a gift it is for me to be there to see a new soul enter the world and not to ever take that for granted. I was standing in my usual spot in the delivery room, near the warmer in what seemed like the zillionth delivery of my life and listening to a mom push and finally deliver her baby. I heard the OB sharing what a beautfiul baby it was and coaxing this new and tentative Dad into his first official Daddy duty...cutting the umbilical cord which he did with impressively steady hands. Finally the nurse brought the baby to my team and we begin to dry her and encourage her already healthy cry and obviously well working lungs.
From the side I heard the slightest sniffle, then a whisper....." Hello Baby Girl.....I love you soo much....and I can't wait to change your first diaper....." I looked in to the face of a Dad, a Father......and I saw pure love, genuine tenderness, and shining adoration...and I smiled....yep another Daddy's girl in the making. NICU Dad's do cry in the delivery room....they also cry in the NICU....they pray in the NICU, they hold Mommy's hand, they hug Mommy's shoulders, they wheel her wheelchair back and forth from Mom's room to the NICU, they bring breast milk to the NICU from home....they get updates for Mom....they go to work and drive mom to the hospital every day while on maternity leave....they figure out how to use their large hands to lift a one pound bundle and change a diaper or take a temperature and every now and then they manage to get a nap while kangarooing the tiniest of humans on their chests...skin to skin, heart beat to heart beat...father to child...and for that and so much more we appreciate them.
But as I shared in the Mother's Day Blog....you don't have to be a NICU Dad to be celebrated on Father's Day. The same traits we see in NICU Dad's we see in all awesome Father's. They are protectors and providers, they know how to have fun, they are troop leaders and team captains, they are movie buddies and confidantes, they give the family security, they make time for their children, they make time for Mom, they love with sacrifice, and they are committed to creating a world that their child can thrive in...and their dreams can come true. So if you know a Dad like that....then thank them....they may be macho on the outside...but they want to know that they are appreciated too...that every now and then they got it right...so for now...we can tell them...and then later....the kids that make them Father's can tell them too..and I am sure that's the best Father's Day present of all!
Father's in the NICU are some of my favorite people...they constantly fulfill two roles...they want to be and have to be strong for the Mom's but at the same time they show incredible tenderness in the face of what for many is the most fragile of human lives. I recently attended a delivery and was reminded by a Dad what a gift it is for me to be there to see a new soul enter the world and not to ever take that for granted. I was standing in my usual spot in the delivery room, near the warmer in what seemed like the zillionth delivery of my life and listening to a mom push and finally deliver her baby. I heard the OB sharing what a beautfiul baby it was and coaxing this new and tentative Dad into his first official Daddy duty...cutting the umbilical cord which he did with impressively steady hands. Finally the nurse brought the baby to my team and we begin to dry her and encourage her already healthy cry and obviously well working lungs.
From the side I heard the slightest sniffle, then a whisper....." Hello Baby Girl.....I love you soo much....and I can't wait to change your first diaper....." I looked in to the face of a Dad, a Father......and I saw pure love, genuine tenderness, and shining adoration...and I smiled....yep another Daddy's girl in the making. NICU Dad's do cry in the delivery room....they also cry in the NICU....they pray in the NICU, they hold Mommy's hand, they hug Mommy's shoulders, they wheel her wheelchair back and forth from Mom's room to the NICU, they bring breast milk to the NICU from home....they get updates for Mom....they go to work and drive mom to the hospital every day while on maternity leave....they figure out how to use their large hands to lift a one pound bundle and change a diaper or take a temperature and every now and then they manage to get a nap while kangarooing the tiniest of humans on their chests...skin to skin, heart beat to heart beat...father to child...and for that and so much more we appreciate them.
But as I shared in the Mother's Day Blog....you don't have to be a NICU Dad to be celebrated on Father's Day. The same traits we see in NICU Dad's we see in all awesome Father's. They are protectors and providers, they know how to have fun, they are troop leaders and team captains, they are movie buddies and confidantes, they give the family security, they make time for their children, they make time for Mom, they love with sacrifice, and they are committed to creating a world that their child can thrive in...and their dreams can come true. So if you know a Dad like that....then thank them....they may be macho on the outside...but they want to know that they are appreciated too...that every now and then they got it right...so for now...we can tell them...and then later....the kids that make them Father's can tell them too..and I am sure that's the best Father's Day present of all!
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